Trick Or Treat
by Clear Plastic
Summary: Happy Halloween! Everyone loves Halloween, and the Cullens aren't an exception. Join them on a Halloween night gone awry. Includes ridiculous costumes, cleavage, terrified neighborhoods, blonde wigs and a certain haunted house. Lots of fun!


**Author's Note: **I wanted to wait till Halloween, but… patience is not one of my finer points. Anyway, I hope you guys love this because… because I do too! Sort of… I don't know if it seems funny to you but there's Cullens dressed in drag! I mean, what more could you ask for? Happy Halloween, everybody! Even though I don't celebrate Halloween because I live in South-East Asia. :D

* * *

I've done some stupid things in my life but this one takes the cake. No, really. It even bests the time I was thirteen and starting popping all the spots I had on my face (they brought along a few more pimples for extra company), or the time I mistook a bottle of shampoo without its label and drank a generous mouthful. Or even when I insisted on wearing five-inch heels to a school dance when I was fourteen to look older and I ended up on the dance floor, ankle twisted, pride severely wounded and high-heels beyond repair. They were Manolos, too.

But I digress.

I'm standing in front of Alice's large, gilt mirror now and gawping in horror. There's only one thought running through my poor mind now, and that's _Kill Alice Cullen. Kill Alice Cullen. Chop her into tiny bits, fry them and eat them for dinner. _

I knew I never should've told Alice to go crazy and knock herself out when she insisted on choosing my Halloween outfit. I guess she took my flippant words very, very seriously.

I mean, we're probably the only people in the entire town who's over twelve who's going trick-or-treating tonight. Trust Alice to come up with such an insane idea. Emmett seconded it, and even Jacob said it sounded like fun. I was moronic enough to not go, _Are you guys nuts? Trick or treating at our age?_ It sounded like fun a few days ago, when I didn't really think they were serious. Now, after trying on my costume, its evident that I will only be dragged out of this house if they strap me onto a board and carry me out. I wouldn't wear this monstrosity in public, let alone private!

The bright red, shiny, tacky Angel's outfit Alice chose clung tightly to every curve I never knew I had, with cheap white fur sewn at the hem and even plastic wings attached behind. The skirt was so short it would make even a Playboy centerfold blush. I had on red, matching go-go boots with five-inch heels (sounds familiar?) and even a mini-wand that came along with it ('Free,' Alice had declared proudly).

But no, that wasn't the worst part. Oh, yes, there's a worst part.

My chest.

My freaking chest.

I was spilling out, damn it! What was in this Angel's outfit? I looked like I was wearing a Wonderbra! Tugging at the bust, I tried without success to give myself more decency. Who knew I had such a rack? Groaning audibly, I was just going to rip the disaster off when Alice came in.

'Bells! You look so… hot!' she squealed.

I glared at her. In typical Alice fashion, she bought herself a matching outfit, except hers was a Devil and she had a mini red pitchfork in her hand and Devil's horns sticking out of her black, spiky hair. A long, curved tail protruded from the back of her dress, snaking around her leg. 'I look utterly ridiculous! What--Where--' I spluttered, not even sure how to begin.

'Rubbish! You look awesome. Edward's going to flip.' she said gleefully. I noticed with some horror that her dress was passably decent, while mine looked like it belong in a Victoria's Secret Summer 2008 catalog.

'I'm flipping myself! No way in hell am I going to go out in this.' I said stubbornly, throwing the wand down on the floor.

'Come on, Bells! Everyone's almost ready, and we're all set to go. We're not going to have fun if you don't come.' Alice pouted, clasping her hands together. 'And we match! The angel and the devil! Take pity on me! I haven't celebrated Halloween in absolutely ages! Don't you want to prance up and down the street in this?

'You think? I look like a whore! A baby prostitute from the dark alleys of some dodgy place! You can't honestly expect me to proudly strut out in this!' I gestured to the shiny plastic. 'Where did you get this, anyway?'

'Walmart, where else?' Alice shrugged. '19.99 for the whole thing, not including the wand. And don't worry, you don't have to pay me back. It's all on Carlisle. I actually wanted to get you the princess one, but I thought that was a tad slutty, even for me. There was this huge slit in the middle… but maybe I should've gone for Superwoman, Edward would've liked that…' she trailed off, thinking.

I opened my mouth and closed it in disbelief, not understanding how Alice could dismiss this situation completely. 'Have you seen this?' I jabbed at my indecent exposure.

Alice peered interestedly at the mounds of creamy flesh practically nudging my chin. 'Who knew you had so much cleavage?'

'That's not the point!' I said indignantly, fighting the urge to cover myself up. 'I'm not going, and that's that.'

Alice looked at me thoughtfully, twirling the pitchfork in her gloved hands. 'Well then…' she started, giving me a sideways glance. A slow grin spread across her face. 'I'll just have to…'

I knew that look.

--

'Let me go! Put me down! Ugh! NO!' I beat my fists against Alice's back, protesting wildly and probably waking up every senior citizen in the neighborhood. 'This is so unfair!'

Alice laughed, vibrations reverberating through her chest. 'You brought this on yourself, Bella.'

I banged my fists harder against her back, but I could have tried to pour rain back into the clouds, for all that I was attempting to do. In fact, I think I hurt myself more than I hurt Alice. Her hands were gripping my legs tightly, which was sure to leave red grooves there when she eventually let me down. I was hanging over her shoulder like some potato sack. To a normal person, it would've been staggering to see petite Alice carry anything heavier than a small bag consisting of three beans. But they didn't know Alice was a vampire.

Which was what was unfair. She took advantage of me! Gah. I knew I never should've agreed to this in the first place. How many times have I said that already?

I found Rosalie at the bottom of the stairs, standing around looking bored and breathtaking. I've always sort of thought that I'd be salivating after her if I was a member of the elusive male species. She was dressed as Catwoman, I presumed. Her whole outfit was black, with her curly blonde hair expertly crimped and a black mask on and tight leather… everything. It clung in all the right places and she looked smoking.

'Bella! Looking nice.' Rosalie nodded her head approvingly.

'See?' Alice set me down on the floor. I wobbled dangerously on the heels, hands flailing around, looking for balance. Alice calmly reached out a cool hand to steady me, and I stood sturdy. 'There's no going back now, Bells.'

'Have you seen Carlisle and Esme?' Alice asked Rosalie.

She shrugged, curls shimmering. 'They're not ready yet.'

'And to think the girls would be down first.' Alice marveled.

'Introducing…' my head snapped up, and so did Rosalie's and Alice's. Edward, dressed tastefully in a smart gray tux and a fedora hat, he stood at the very tops of the staircase and did a drum roll with his fingers in the stair banisters. I let out a laugh.

'Mr. Jasper!'

A nearly unrecognizable Jasper, with a blonde wig which fell down to his waist, an elaborate evening gown beaded with small diamonds, black gloves and a tiny handbag swinging by his hands. A steep V-neck revealed a pale chest and very… manly muscles.

Beside me, Alice gave a loud tinkle of laughter, and she promptly fell on a couch, laughing her ass off.

'I'm Cher.' Jasper declared in a pretty convincing falsetto. 'Pleased to meet you.' he descended down the stairs stiffly, flipping his blonde hair over his shoulders.

I collapsed into hysterical giggles. I was probably ripping the Angel's outfit in the process but who cares?

'And Mr. Emmett!'

'Gimme, gimme more, gimme, gimme, gimme more.' an Emmett in drag appeared, proudly displaying a glittering black bra on his chest and tight, leather pants, which probably revealed, er, more than he meant to. 'I'm Britney! I'm hot!'

Rosalie gawped.

I laughed harder, and starting beating my fists on the hard, burnished floor, tears of mirth leaking out from beneath my eyelids. I could hear Edward howling with laughter too.

'Oh, my God.' Rosalie laughed weakly, clutching her stomach. 'Emmett, you idiot.'

'No, I'm Britney!' he fluttered. 'For tonight, at least.' he reverted back to his normal voice for a moment, grinning in a very Emmett way.

'Oh, you boys.' I picked myself up as I heard Esme say despairingly. 'Have you ever wondered if you were dropped on your head too many times when you were a baby?'

'I've considered that, yes.' Jasper squealed, hands on hips. Esme shook her head, staring at Jasper's exposed chest. She wasn't going, both Carlisle and Esme were staying home to have their own… er, private celebration. 'Bella, you look beautiful.' Esme smiled.

Everyone's eyes swiveled towards me and I cringed.

'Bella, sweetie, you look so totally gorgeous! So sexy!' Emmet gushed, and he ran over, giving me a large hug. 'You sexy beast, you.'

'Argh--' I got a mouthful of wig and I spat it out, half-laughing. 'I don't, I look ridiculous.'

'You look stunning.' Edward, suddenly beside me, murmured reassuringly in my ear, arms wrapping around me. 'And the Angel's outfit helps, too.'

I grumbled, softening. 'Ah, well. What're you supposed to be, then?'

'He's Justin Timberlake, but he won't admit to it.' Jasper piped up, batting his thick eyelashes, which was probably laced with mascara. Edward chuckled, and so I nestled further into him. I grinned when I saw Alice wouldn't go five feet near him. 'That wig just gives me the creeps.' she protested, when Jasper finally got hold of her and nuzzled Alice.

'What? Am I not manly enough for you?' Jasper said.

'Where's Jacob, then? He said they were going trick or treating with all of you, didn't he?' Carlisle walked in, hands in his casual jeans pockets, looking around pensively.

'He's coming.' Alice said suddenly, nose perking up.

Jacob came in through the front door, looking as normal as always.

'Jacob!' I exclaimed. 'You didn't forget that we were going out tonight, did you?'

Jacob grinned. 'Nah. I'm dressed as a werewolf.'

I let out a derisive snort. 'Smart.'

'You have to dress up.' Alice protested, bounding over to Jacob. 'I could do a thing or two with that white shirt you're wearing, but--'

'Please. No costumes.' Jacob insisted.

'Fine, then, go as a werewolf.' Alice said, with a half-smile on.

'Right, then, back before…' Esme checked her watch.

'Three.' Emmett suggested.

'Absolutely not.' Carlisle said firmly. 'Bella needs her rest.'

Edward's arms around me tightened.

'One, then.' Jasper said. 'Then we'll spend the rest of the night telling stories.'

'Scary ones?'

'Well, yeah.'

'Right then, off we go.'

--

A few minutes later, and we were stepping out into the streets, with Jacob staring all to often at my outfit and both Jasper and Emmet laughing raucously, Emmett singing an off-key rendition of Britney's 'I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman'. Alice had brought along a large tote bag for the candies but I highly doubted anyone would consent to giving us pack of loonies candy.

We moved to a street full of winking lights and the occasional pumpkin out front, with wonky mouths and black eyes. There were plenty of children here and there, plenty stopping to stare and giggle helplessly.

'This is awesome.' Jacob gushed. 'I've always loved Halloween. Billy and me used to cut up plenty of pumpkins and I dressed up as a ghost. You know, simple white sheet with holes cut up front. Those were the times.' he said wistfully.

The Jacob I loved resurfaced so rarely that I quickly delved into a conversation about my past Halloweens, and soon everyone was laughing at my not-so Halloween trick-or-treating sessions.

'--and then I got chased out onto the road and I never saw him again.' I finished.

'Well, first house up front.' Edward pointed.

'Man, this is going to be so much fun.' Emmett rubbed his hands together gleefully.

We walked up to an unsuspecting victim's house and Jacob rapped smartly on the wooden door. Wait for it…

'TRICK OR TREAT!' all of us chorused. I was actually starting to have fun, inane as this was.

The old woman who answered the door stared. We smiled back. A few moments passed, and she gave an almighty scream. Slamming the door in our faces, we heard her frantic footsteps pad up her staircase and presumably under her bedcovers, where she would be shivering all night.

'Whoa.' was all I could say.

'Maybe she saw Emmett and Jasper.' Jacob grinned, and we stepped off her porch, randomly choosing another house. 'They're scary enough.'

'I resent that!' Jasper said indignantly. 'You don't insult Cher!'

'Right, next house, guys.' Rosalie called from next door.

We hurried up, and once again started the whole rigmarole. 'TRICK OR TREAT!' I felt a giggle rising in my throat. I felt utterly ridiculous, and even more so in the Angel's costume.

'Hello, little children!' a middle-aged woman greeted the door. 'Would you like--oh, dear Lord.' she stumbled back a few steps, a large bowl of candy in hand. 'Oh, dear Lord.' she repeated. She stepped forward peering closely at Jasper. He smiled blandly back while we looked on, interested.

'Jasper? Jasper Hale?' the woman queried, boggled.

'Oh, shit.' I heard Alice mutter softly.

'Mrs. Campbell!' Jasper exclaimed, clearly thrown. I realized that this must be one of his teachers from school.

I would've burst out laughing if Mrs. Campbell hadn't looked so astonished.

'What in the world are you wearing, Mr. Hale?' her voice took on a sterner edge.

'I'm Cher, Mrs. Campbell.' Jasper struggled to keep his voice steady. I could tell he was ready to explode with hysterical laughter. 'Do you like it?'

Mrs. Campbell seemed to be taking extra notice in Jasper's exposed chest. 'I--er--' she fumbled. 'Um--here, take the whole bowl of candy… I--' she fumbled, and practically tossed the whole bowl at us. Edward caught it deftly, and he tossed it inside the tote bag Alice prepared. I had a feeling she wasn't going to be the same again. Maybe seeing one of your students as Cher did that to you.

'At least we got some candy. It's all going to go to Bells, though.' Alice commented, shaking the tote bag.

We continued like this for several houses, each time it got increasingly hysterical. There was shocked mothers, lewd fathers (one of which who asked for Alice's number), terrified elders, and even children who ran up to Emmett and pulled on his wig.

'Oy!' he yelled. 'Kids.'

All of us sang along to a chorus of 'Break The Ice', and Emmett even resorted to twirling his wig around on his finger, having a great time. Even Jacob seemed relaxed around the Cullens. Well, if they were happy, I was happy.

'I've had enough of trick or treating.' Edward grumbled. 'How about something more interesting.'

'How about that broken-down house by the forest?' Jacob suggested, grinning. 'I hear a lot of kids are going there to test their bravery. It's supposed to be haunted, or something. We could find something to do, there.'

'Awesome!' Jasper piped up, hurrying forward. 'We can scare the crap out of those kids.'

'Nothing too serious, though.' I said anxiously.

'Relax, Bells.' Edward said. 'Nothing's going to happen.'

I followed apprehensively.

--

The house did look kind of creepy. Contrary to what Jacob said, there wasn't a soul there. It was pretty large, about the size of the main building of Forks High. The front porch was utterly destroyed, and broken pieces of rotting wood littered the grassy ground. The glass windows were long since devoid of any glass, and there were also plenty of glass shards on the ground. 'Careful.' Rosalie called.

'This is awesome!' Emmett gushed, and he picked up the hem of his dress and ran forward. I started getting prickling feelings at the nape of my neck, and they weren't the pleasant kind. 'Is this safe?' I said out loud.

'Relax.' Jasper reassured. 'I swear, you're wound up tighter than Emmet's bra.'

'Hey!' Emmett clobbered Jasper on the head, roaring with laughter.

The night was utterly silent. Alice, Rosalie, Jacob, Emmett and Jasper's voices grew increasingly further away. I couldn't see much, tonight's moon was mysteriously dim.

I walked forward tentatively, wobbling dangerously on the heels. Edward held my hand firmly, and we walked silently.

I tripped.

'Bells!' Edward steadied me, and I looked back to see what I had tripped over.

It was a gravestone, and I stared at it for a few moments before tugging on Edward's hand. 'Edward…' I pointed shakily towards the gravestone. Edward chuckled and gave me a crooked smile. 'Poor Bella. Don't worry, it's nothing.'

'Hey, guys!' Jacob yelled, and his voice echoed into the night. 'I found a door!'

Everyone rushed over, except for me.

'Bella, do you honestly think anything would dare to hurt you when you have five vampires and a werewolf by your side?' Edward asked, gently stroking my hand.

'I don't suppose not.' I said reluctantly, and allowed him to lead me to Jacob. I squinted into the distance; I could make out five figures a few yards away, prying open something to the house.

A cloud slid over the moon, and suddenly everything was dark.

And to think I was the only one who felt this way. The vampires and the werewolves could still probably see perfectly fine. I held on tighter to Edward's hand.

'This is great!' Jacob grunted, and something gave way with a loud snap. 'This way!'

'Wait, we're going inside?' Rosalie said. I was glad I wasn't the only one who felt that way.

'Yeah, well, nothing's going to hurt us.' Alice said, but I could detect a faint uncertainty in her tinkling voice.

Jacob went inside first, hands feeling around. I was the last to go in. My heart started beating erratically, and I got the bad, bad feeling that we shouldn't be doing this at all.

I was blind inside. My hands groped around for Edward's, but I couldn't see nor feel anything. Panic rose inside of me. 'Edward?' I said softly, but it sounded so much louder. The feeling of losing my eyesight petrified me. I stopped, and strained my ears. How could they have disappeared? They were right before me! And I knew Edward would never abandon me like this. 'Edward!' I tried again.

Stinging silence.

It pressed unbearably against my ear. I turned around, and fumbled my way through. I could feel nothing.

A loud creak.

_Thump._

I turned around frantically. 'Who's there?'

No answer.

'Look, if it's Jasper or Emmet, it's not funny, okay?' my voice echoed, and faded.

I strained my ears yet again, but this time I could hear someone breathing.

_In._

_Out._

'_Come out, come out, wherever you are…_' someone whispered.

I froze.

'_Come here, my precious…' _the voice hissed, fading away. It was all around me. I clawed desperately around me, but I could feel nothing but air. Fear surrounded me. I couldn't breath properly. Silence rang.

I blinked for a fraction of a second, and then there was a mirror right in front of me.

I screamed.

I could see a faint outline of a woman in the mirror, she was standing right behind me, fingers sifting through my hair even though I felt nothing. And all of a sudden I felt her warm, putrid breath on my neck.

I ran.

Behind me, I heard something heavy fall to the ground and shatter into a million pieces.

The door! The moon outside had come out again and I could see soft moonlight shining through. With a agitated sob, I crawled through frantically, scraping my knees in the process and I fell to the grassy ground with a relieved sob. Picking myself up again, I ran.

'Bella!' someone yelled. Relief washed through me and I yelled back. 'I'm here!'

I saw Alice sprinting towards me, her face a mask of terror. 'Let's go!' Alice yelled. I whipped around: Jasper, Emmett, Edward, Jacob were all looking utterly terrified.

Alice ran.

I closed my eyes and felt the wind whistle by.

In mere seconds, we were there, back at the Cullen's mansion. Alice dropped me down on the ground. I started shaking uncontrollably.

'Did you see her? And-- the mirror-- I?' Alice said urgently.

'Yeah.' my teeth chattered.

Everyone else arrived too, and Edward quickly wrapped me up in his comforting arms. I melted into him, and I sighed contentedly, fears forgotten.

'That was scary.' Jasper said, eyes shining.

'Yeah, it's been a while since I've been scared shitless.' Rosalie laughed.

Soon, all of us were laughing weakly, and silently vowing to never return to that house again.

'Oh, darn.' Emmett muttered from behind me.

'What?' I queried, eager to try and get the image of the mirror from my mind.

'I think my bra got unhooked.' Emmett stared down at his bare chest. 'Ah, well.'

* * *

**Author's Note: **So, did ya like it? I think it got scarier than I meant it to be. I originally wanted the voices to be a prank the vamps played on Bella but I got a little carried away. So, if you guys want, I could turn this into a two-shot and the next chapter could be a continuation where all of them tell scary stories, or something along those lines. Just say the word, and I'll do it.


End file.
